Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.

Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.