I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'