I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.