I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.