If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.