I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...