The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.