You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.