On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.