On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear's huge jaws. I wouldn't even try that with my agent.

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.