Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.