Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now.

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

I'm from Los Angeles... I don't trust any air I can't see.