The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.