Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

Please don't stand up on my account.

Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.