You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
It's a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you'll be able to watch it all on TV.