Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.