I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.