I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.