The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.