Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.
Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.
Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.