Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.