Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.