Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.