Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.