You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.