Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.

I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people.