Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.