Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.