I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.
I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.