I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now.

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I've encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE - and a maid to press it for me.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.