My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.

The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.