My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.