My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.