The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.