With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films.

I can still chase women, only downhill

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.