If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.