I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.