You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.
Television. That's where movies go when they die.
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.