All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.