Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.