I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.