I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

I can't give up Golf, I've got too many sweaters.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.