I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.