As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."

Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.