As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.