I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.
You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.