Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.