I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

When you get over 95, every day is your day.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.