Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.'

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

Television is the box they buried entertainment in.