One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever.

Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.