Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.
I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.