I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now.

I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.