You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "