You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies