You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.