You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

What do gardeners do when they retire?