My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.