I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.