My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?