I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'