My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"