My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

What do gardeners do when they retire?

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.