My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.