What do gardeners do when they retire?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.