I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.