Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.