I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?