I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.