I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.