I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.